Mixed Bipolar Disorder

I'm picking life apart,

Ripping myself to shreds,

A tug of war between light and dark,

This ugly fued within my head,

Sunny dispositions,

Fly around inside my mind,

Then the darkness rips me away,

One mile at a time,

I'm a thousand miles per hour,

Tree leaves glitter in the sun,

Then the world takes a nasty turn,

& to my bed I run,

Hideous monsters crawling,

Up my walls and into bed,

Blood running down my wrists,

God I wish that I were dead!

No!

I'm so fucking happy!!

Life is beautiful, is it not?

I want to live forever in this wonderland,

As my brain continues to rot,

Unicorns dance above me,

My closet grows a set of wings,

Glitterized and technicolored,

I think I want to sing!

Im exhausted and energized,

Everything and its opposite,

I run and dance and sing and play,

& then I stop and sit...

For hours and hours on end,

Debating how to end my life,

& just when I go to grab the blade,

I realize I love this life!

Make this madness stop!

Make my mind snap so I can be free,

Because I can't live in this tilt-a-whirl,

Being ripped to and fro every minute it seems,

I'm up & down & all around,

Black & white & rainbow,

My mind is ripping me apart from myself,

Constantly stopping just to get up and go, go, GO!!

I'm ready to rip my brain out,

Ready to end it all,

But first I'll go to the nuthouse,

See if they can help at all,

Give me little candy pills,

Give me electroshock, please!

Just make my brain make up it's mind,

Or out of sanity's realm let it leave...