Maybe

& maybe,
Maybe if I can smile some more,
Glimmery, calcium-white rocks in my mouth,
That crack one another in haste and
anger when I speak,
Lips curved, spear-heading into my cheeks,
Any tighter and my face will rip in half,
Maybe...

& maybe,
Maybe if I can starve some more,
Get down to my happy 500 a day,
Puke and exercise the rest away,
All of my unnecessary flaws
melting before my eyes,
Dripping onto the treadmill,
Any more of me lost & I will crumble to dust,
Maybe...

But perhaps if I could crack open my rib bones,
Hooked behind them, a little girl, crying,
Perpetually crying in the dark,
Perhaps if I could rip her out by the hair,
Fling her off and away - hitting the wall,
Until she splatters like bugs on a windshield,
Washed away by the rain,
Maybe...


Maybe then I could forget,
Forget your fucking face,
Forget your goddamn eyes,
Forget your motherfucking smile,
Forget the fuck why
I ever fucking loved you,
I ever believed the shit you said,
I ever bought the dream hook, line and sinker,
When you sold it to me
sparkling like every diamond that we ever touched
beneath the lamp-heated glass that never was bought
signaling to me your lying tongue and betraying lips

Maybe - Maybe - Maybe
Just fucking maybe...