Wednesday, September 26, 2012


"Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken? Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken? Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder? I try as hard as I can...?"
Kasey Chambers "Not Pretty Enough"

& no matter what she does,
what smile she paints so carefully
upon the peeling, cracking canvas
of her face, she will never be enough

Smiles are drawn on in the morning,
careful, thin, easily erasable lines in case
of emergency - she need only to break the glass
rotunda of her heart
and spray her smile with water, washing away
all traces of happiness

But, God forbid, they see the real her underneath,
even once,

She tried to be perfect, she really did,
it's something she would swear her life on,
would swear it on God, on her mother's grave,
on everything she ever managed to hold onto
long enough to love

She really, really tried...

But now she sits beneath the tarp
of evening, shadowing and protecting
her as she silently and softly wipes away
the masque that shields her face from the
rest of the world,
she wipes it all off

Smeared and smudgy black, red, yellow, blue,
all swirled together like some disgusting cocktail
mixed by a bartender just fucking around,
She never would drink it - so why wear it anymore?

There is nothing left to hold onto,
nothing left to grip in her world,
so instead she falls asleep tonight,
vodka and razorblades sunken deep
into her throat, her flesh, her soul, to the
memories of a thousand lovers who used,
abused, bruised, mamed, tore and lied

And maybe, finally, finally - she will sleep
and not dream of being chased by the man in black
who has haunted her for all of these years

Maybe soon she "won't be so lonely, and she'll walk on water, every chance she gets..."

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