Monday, September 27, 2010

Volatile Love

Beneath a hunters moon,
We entwined together in a point,
Of fiery confluence,
The darkness drawing from us our ragged breaths,
And beneath the same moon,
We spilled our souls in a fatal hope,
That begged understanding and acceptance,
From the other,
The yellow sphere reflecting inside,
Of your hazel eyes,
Hid something darker,
Than the velveteen sky itself,
My own secrets bled beneath my sleeves,
Running down my arms,
From a spirit that could crack,
But never fully break,
Engrossed in a volatile love,
You swirled in my mind,
Like a drug injected into my veins,
I gripped your shoulders in the dark,
Lipstick and sweat, smearing,
Over pale white skin,
That steamed in the heavy silence,
You belonged to me,
My own personal demon-wolf,
Who howled to the glittering moon,
& raced the black ravens home,
Then, as if by sick fate,
Our conjoined river split,
Rushing rapids both headed for the cliff,
Where it would spill over into oblivion,
Something became ill and wrong,
As you placed violent eyes upon my flesh,
Licked your chops,
& then kissed my cheek with your fist,
The scent of blood rose on the wind,
Signaling to all of the others that paradise,
Was forever lost,
As we had become feral and sadistic,
The morning bashed itself upon us,
After fighting to the death all night long,
Showing the depth of blood splattered all around,
Sprayed all down the walls and floors,
You slept, sound in another corner,
Teeth still bared, dreaming of combat,
No longer mine,
No longer sane,
So into the thicket I fled,
Limping with my wounds,
Still seeping fresh crimson,
Never to return to you again

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I Cant

"Baby, baby...when we first met, I never felt something so strong. You were like my lover and my best friend all wrapped into one with a ribbon on it..." -Rihanna 'Rehab'

I would dip my finger into you and rub you along my gums,
Smoke you, if I could,
You're like snorting cocaine through a rolled up fifty dollar bill,
And I know I should,

Just give you up, but I cant,

I wish I could liquify your essence,
Put it in a bong,
And get higher and higher on you until I cant see straight,
While playing those stupid songs,

From the 70's, but I cant,

The withdrawl from you is hell,
Pure, red-eyed hell,
Like a stupefying recreational drug baby,
You've caught me up in your spell,

Get away from you, I cant,

So I lay here, on this cold and dark floor,
Sweating from withdrawls so badly,
That I'm steaming tonight,
And I know, sadly,

To be without you...I just cant....

Saturday, September 11, 2010

"I miss my friend, the one my heart and soul confided in. The one I felt the safest with, the one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again, let the light back in, I miss my friend..."

I hate how much I miss you.
I hate how I dream of you.
I hate how I can't stop thinking of you.
I hate how it seems like I've fucked up another good thing in my life.
I hate how much of a failure I am.
I hate how I can't help but glance at every single red car that goes by, because, in my mind it could be you coming back to me.
I hate how I still hope with the last bit of me that you will come back to me, someday.
I hate how my hope just wont die and leave me be with this pain.
I hate that your Mother hates me.
I hate how you listen to your Mother.
I hate how attached to you I am.
I hate how I can never just let you go.
I hate how you always end up going away just when I thought you were coming back for good this time....
I hate how every minute that passes, you are not in it....
I hate how I've loved you since 2006 and still can't seem to hold onto you.
I hate how much I miss you.
I hate how much I love you.
I hate how you didn't fight for me.
I hate how it seems as though you lied to me.
I hate how far away you always were.
I hate how this little, tiny, microscopic piece of me still hopes beyond reason, that one day, I'm going to come home and there you'll be, waiting for me, to say you still love me.
I hate how weak I am.
I hate how weak you are.
I hate everything.
But most of all...
I hate how you are gone.

Monday, September 6, 2010

"I'm on top of everything, the little king of anything, got a place of mine that's all my own. Well I'm inside of me again a small world all the same, and I'm alone and I'm alone and I'm alone...." -Counting Crows Round Here(Live)
I slip my lips around the frosty rim of my glass,
inhaling the fiery scent of whiskey. It moves thick
and slow down my nostrils and throat to my lungs,
that tighten, ever so slightly, with its delicate burn.
And as I ingest a frozen fire concentration of liquid
reverie, I think back to when you first told me that
you loved me. All those years ago. Both of us broken
beyond repair in a way. Both of us begging God for
something or someone to love.
I can't count the minutes, weeks, years that I prayed
for that one person, who would complete me. Then, suddenly,
as if he had finally heard me, or finally gotten around to it,
there you were. So much like myself - jaded, angry, bitter and lonely.
You were perfect in every way.
I grew to adore the little things about you.
Like the way you laugh with your entire body,
and the way you twist everything in your sick mind,
just like me, to the most disgusting
degree possible..& the way you let me win
most every conversation possible. :)
How you became so blissfully perfect, I
will never know. But you are. I feel as
though I finally have gotten things right.
I have finally found the one for me. I could
not be happier. I love you.