Sunday, August 12, 2012

Remember Me

I'm speaking to you,
Do you hear me?
Have you ever?
Or am I just the ghost,
Reminiscent and left over from an old life,
Where we were happy,
Do you hear me?

When I scream at night,
Do you hear me?
Or does it come as the vapor of
a sound?
Just enough to stir you from sleep,

& then do you look around,  
As if something might be missing?
What was it though?

A half-lucid thought,
No real importance to it,
You shrug it off & succumb
to the cold, deep ocean of sleep,

Dreaming of everything you love,
But I loved you,
Am I in your dreams?
Will I ever be? 
Was I ever?

I want to know that you have not forgotten me,
That I still linger like a memory,
Deep in the back of your brain,
Someday, when you least expect it,
A smile, a song, an object,
Will rip me to the forefront of your head,
& you will smile & remember me,
Who I was,
& that I loved you  

Sunday, August 5, 2012

You Destroyed Me

You left me.

You just fucking left me.

Here, in this hell, a ring
still in layaway, sparkling
and glimmering

Hoping that it would get another
chance to symbolize love
the way it tried to do before

& with these children who
adored you

Hoped beyond all hope that
you would be the one that
they would someday call
"Uncle" after stuffing your
lies down their throats
while perched like a
god on your throne,

& devoid of anything
else left to believe in
we swallowed the
slop of your empty words
as good servants do

& praised you for
your magnificent kindness

Our "hero"...

You just left me

As if the day before
you had not called me
velveteen names that
slipped from your
satin tongue like
branches of ivy

& oh, how they wound
about my trifled head
that burned and cracked
so long ago

Slipped around my
throat - choking me
to the death of reality

What a beautiful death it was

My greatest mistake was
believing that you cared
enough to glue me back together

You did, after all, promise
to "fix me"...

I never did believe that
you could

I never didn't believe that
you wouldn't try

I never did believe that
you would be unfaithful
the way you were

I never did believe that
you would dip your daggered
tongue into the lye that you drove
into my heart, that ate what was left
of it away like acid

I never believed

But you're gone,
Does anyone know where
you currently reside?
No - obviously not with the
woman you were going to
leave me for,

The one to whom you
said "I'm over her," when
she asked you of me


Those words rang like
bells and whistles
in my brain, replaying
over and over and over
in the darkness while I try to sleep

How in the hell are you
"over me" when two days before
we signed a contract to a new
Looked at wedding bands?
Priced locations, venues, cakes,
gifts, tulle and ivory silks?
When you stood in front of the
awkward bulk of my family
and swore to me on your life,
your daughters life and your all
magnificent "hatchet" that you
would love me and only me...


How could you just be there
and be so damn in love with me
and then suddenly evaporate
into the air like hot steam?

My father always did say
that you were just "full of hot air"
& now I see that he is right

I feel as though I am
going to rot to death in this
enormous bed

The one that I swindled
away for us to lay in forever,

For us to make babies in, plans
in, whisper silently our hopes
and dreams for the future in, and
then someday, whisper our final
"goodnights" in...

I see, now, that I will die alone
in this fucking bed, here, in this
hell, with all of my household goods

My pots, pans, glasses, cups, silverware,
unused wedding invitations, pictures of us,
the blueprints of our life-to-be that never will,
I see that tonight, I will say "Goodnight" to you,
sip my wine, laced with lye, and fucking leave
the world...

Just like you did me...

When you come to find me,
just know, just fucking know,
that every time I said "I love you"
I meant it - but you didn't love me

Because you don't destroy people you love

Friday, August 3, 2012


I remember you and
the way you clung to the
pillowed split of my lips some
nights, some empty, hopeless
nights, like salt to the rim of
a glass

I remember the feeling of
your hair tangled around
my fingers, snagging and
catching in the cracks of
my nails

The feeling of your
flesh, so hot, that it
burned the sickness
clean out of my soul

I never, never knew,
not even for a moment,
that you would ever leave,
not once

You were supposed to be 
Prince Charming, weren't you? 
Supposed to be Mr. Right and 
not just another Mr. Right Now?
Weren't you supposed to be 

    " The One" ... ?  

Wasn't there supposed to be some
magnificent declaration of your
love spinning and glittering
on my finger? White tulle drowning
my fears to their eternal death?

Weren't you supposed to prove
to me that you loved me above all else?
Adored me above all else?
Needed me above all else?

But you never did

Just took your sarcophagi
tongue and entombed me
in the mausoleum of your
words forever...

& I lie, rotting in here,
wandering from wall to wall,
up and down the stairs of
this miserable cage, dead roses in
hand, ragged and stinking of
every death except the kind I
desperately crave - physical...

I am a ghost
Trapped here for the rest
of my eternity
& you are gone, finally,
off to the mountains, or the
beach or some hole in the wall
where another empty-eyed,
broken hearted woman sits,
waiting for the man who
appears to be "Prince Charming

I hope you brought your white
horse, you bitch, because if I ever
get out of this tomb...I'm going to
kill you and bury you in it myself...

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

You & I

A dove-colored morning
ripped apart by dirt-salted
rain that pooled in the tiny
bowl where your neckbones

Babble incoherently &
say you still dream of him
at times - when the fragrance
of night slips up through your
nostrils and suffocates you
to the pupil-dialated
coma-black of sleep,

Smile & try to make sense
of this mess - pick up each 
blood splattered piece of
cloth that covered the bathroom
floor, soaked with every
ounce of your still half-kicking,
sputtering, broken heart that
lay wheezing between the smooth
blades of your rib bones,

Silently wished that they would 
sever it to death - put it out of
it's horrid misery - it never
really liked you anyways -
but maybe you've severed
yourself enough...
this time,

Gaze upon you,
Or what's left of you,
drowning to death in your
own lifeblood and red froth,
too weak to stay above the water 

Are pitiful and weak 
in your current state,

Watch you slide below the 
stained-glass surface,

Have become the Lady
of your own Lake,

Wonder what King Arthur
would think of you now,
bleeding internally from where
his sword raped your soul,
and externally, where yours
split your wrist-veins,

Smile at me
one last time from
beyond the mirror,

Always hated the 
way it hung above the bathtub
like a reminder of one's flaws,

Blow me a kiss

Finally inhale too much
water and drift away...