Sunday, August 5, 2012

You Destroyed Me

You left me.

You just fucking left me.

Here, in this hell, a ring
still in layaway, sparkling
and glimmering

Hoping that it would get another
chance to symbolize love
the way it tried to do before

& with these children who
adored you

Hoped beyond all hope that
you would be the one that
they would someday call
"Uncle" after stuffing your
lies down their throats
while perched like a
god on your throne,

& devoid of anything
else left to believe in
we swallowed the
slop of your empty words
as good servants do

& praised you for
your magnificent kindness

Our "hero"...

You just left me

As if the day before
you had not called me
velveteen names that
slipped from your
satin tongue like
branches of ivy

& oh, how they wound
about my trifled head
that burned and cracked
so long ago

Slipped around my
throat - choking me
to the death of reality

What a beautiful death it was

My greatest mistake was
believing that you cared
enough to glue me back together

You did, after all, promise
to "fix me"...

I never did believe that
you could

I never didn't believe that
you wouldn't try

I never did believe that
you would be unfaithful
the way you were

I never did believe that
you would dip your daggered
tongue into the lye that you drove
into my heart, that ate what was left
of it away like acid

I never believed

But you're gone,
Does anyone know where
you currently reside?
No - obviously not with the
woman you were going to
leave me for,

The one to whom you
said "I'm over her," when
she asked you of me


Those words rang like
bells and whistles
in my brain, replaying
over and over and over
in the darkness while I try to sleep

How in the hell are you
"over me" when two days before
we signed a contract to a new
Looked at wedding bands?
Priced locations, venues, cakes,
gifts, tulle and ivory silks?
When you stood in front of the
awkward bulk of my family
and swore to me on your life,
your daughters life and your all
magnificent "hatchet" that you
would love me and only me...


How could you just be there
and be so damn in love with me
and then suddenly evaporate
into the air like hot steam?

My father always did say
that you were just "full of hot air"
& now I see that he is right

I feel as though I am
going to rot to death in this
enormous bed

The one that I swindled
away for us to lay in forever,

For us to make babies in, plans
in, whisper silently our hopes
and dreams for the future in, and
then someday, whisper our final
"goodnights" in...

I see, now, that I will die alone
in this fucking bed, here, in this
hell, with all of my household goods

My pots, pans, glasses, cups, silverware,
unused wedding invitations, pictures of us,
the blueprints of our life-to-be that never will,
I see that tonight, I will say "Goodnight" to you,
sip my wine, laced with lye, and fucking leave
the world...

Just like you did me...

When you come to find me,
just know, just fucking know,
that every time I said "I love you"
I meant it - but you didn't love me

Because you don't destroy people you love

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