Monday, April 14, 2014


The pills drop into
my veins one milligram at a
time like water sizzling over
dry ice,
Fog bubbles up from my
blood, swirling in my
brain and for a moment,
I am at peace,

Petulant shrieks of disordered
mind are sated and placated
with little white spheres,
I sweat insecurities as I sleep
that soak my sheets and matte
hair onto furrowed brow,
I awaken, slick and dizzy
with addiction,

Fumble for my bedside wine,
Sip it to quench my need for
glorious oblivion,
Dropping myself into the perfect
miserable high, steady and eternal,

I am avoiding it - this
gruesome truth that I desperately run
to avoid,
You're not coming
and I am not coming back,

I think if I had known, before,
I would have waited, on
that beautiful, perfect beach day,
until your back was turned,

...and then slipped myself quietly into the ocean,

I would have floated on the
waves, sunshine beaming down on me,
thought about your face,

and just let the water's soft swish and
sway rock me to blissful sleep,
No pills needed, no gun,
no violent macabre ending,
...just float below the surface
and breathe...

Illumination at it's best...

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