She is gone now.
They told us all today the bitter truth. Impossible to swallow, yet shoved down our throats into our souls like rotten meat, to make us ill. I'm still vomiting it all back up as if it would reverse reality, making it just a dream, or a horrible nightmare rather. They told us you could no longer breathe. Could no longer stand to smile, daily, into the simple divinity of your pain as if it weren't real. Could no longer stand to fight for a future that you knew didn't exist. Could no longer tolerate the cancer-like disease that was eating away at your soul instead of your body.
Could no longer stand...at all in fact...
I screamed for you time and time again. So loudly that a few times those glass walls around your brain cracked. Oh, but they never would shatter, would they? No...and no matter how loudly I screamed for you, called for you, my voice was never loud enough to overpower the voices that lived in your own head. Whispering...Debating....and then Debilitating you into sickness and sorrow so deep that you could never come out again.
They said it surely had to be an accident. Oh, but I'm not that blind, not that stupid, and not that naive. You were drowning in this blue lake of life, just like Virginia Woolf. Just praying to fly away someday. Maybe then you could breathe again. Could feel again. Could see more clearly and without this tainted vision of ours.
So I'm watching you, in my mind's eye, taking that beautiful swan-dive from out of your window that let you fly away finally. And I'm just wondering...what is it like to breathe again?