Friday, September 4, 2009

Liar Liar

Talking about myself of course. Sometimes I wish that people were trustworthy. That I could be myself around them instead of being this personification of who I think will survive around them. I get tired of being this mask, this shell of a person. It's too dangerous, though, to be myself. I'm too easily wounded. I love too easily and it seems like everyone just gets the biggest kick out of ripping my heart to shreds. What is so wrong with people that they see something as simple and nice as love and they feel the need to destroy it? I don't get it? Why is it so important to them that they have to kill it until people like me become so fed up with trying to love that they begin to try to stop loving altogether?

Is it really that bad that I want love? Is that like abnormal somehow? I just want someone to be honest, brutally honest, and tell me if it IS that unusual. Has there been some great change in women? Are we supposed to hate love now? I'm just lost. So lost that I've kept this goddamn mask on because I'm scared to death of being hurt like the way I was when I was five. I'm tired of it. I just want someone to love me. I know it probaly sounds pathetic and all, but, I guess I'm so tired of "living a lie" that I would rather be ripped open until I finally bleed to death than to live like this anymore. I just want romance and love. The rest of my life is fine. But I'm a hopeless romantic I guess. I suppose love is the one elusive bird that will always evade my cage.

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